Creation

I'm pretty thankful for this new photography thing going on in my life... and I love that I get to be out in nature with all of my shoots. I'm able to take in the beauty of God's creation...and have a bit of worship time before each shoot. When I go through the images from a shoot, I get to stumble across a flower or a tree or an insect that brought me a moment with my creator... pretty cool!

Because...

Because he's growing up before our eyes...

Because my camera has missed him...

Because his hair is starting to curl in the back...

Because he loves books...

Because I'm filled with joy experiencing him...

Because it's my birthday, and I didn't want to photograph anyone else...

I took pictures of Atticus all day.

Here are a few of my favorites!

Homeless...helpless...broken hearted

I'm still processing this 'situation', so pardon the 'rawness' of my writing...

Yesterday I was driving on the West side of Columbus and as I exited the highway, there was a woman holding a sign, "COULD USE SOME HELP"...

Now, let me first start by saying that, (after a life-changing inner-city mission trip to Toronto while I was in High School) I have a place in my heart that aches for the homeless...or the 'sign-holders' or the 'beggars'...I know all are not homeless, but I hurt for the humiliation and inhumanity it takes to wear a sign bearing your struggles with strangers who drive by...I make efforts to look them in the eye and smile, even if I have nothing physical to offer...

But...in this situation, it wasn't the sign that caught my eye. As I drove closer, I noticed one side of this woman's face was bruised to a blueish-purple and so swollen that only a sliver of her eye could peak through. Aside from the obvious 'battle wounds', she had the saddest face I've ever seen. I turned at the light, feeling an urgency to get back to her. I drove to the first fast food restaurant I could find (a couple of miles down the road) and quickly returned to the exit (not totally sure how I was going to maneuver this, since she was 'stationed' at a highway exit ramp), but realized she was no longer there. As I drove past, disappointed, I saw her sitting at the bus stop. I pulled over to talk to her.
My heart raced as she approached my car...I could feel my emotions unable to be controlled...

Me: Are you ok?
Her: um, no, not really...

Me: well...I got you some food...Are you hungry?...
Her: yes, that's so nice...thank you sweetie..
I kissed my hand and then shook hers as I began to cry...terribly.

then I drove away.

I wanted to turn around and do something...something big...take her home with me or sit and pray with her or find her somewhere to stay, save her from this person who hurt her...and instead I said "I got you some food"...yup, that was my 'big save' moment.

As I kept driving I realized just how small I was...that I could have done those things... but I didn't. And that won't stop God from doing whatever He has planned for that woman.

I don't even know her name, but I've been praying for her... and I'm realizing that prayer is the biggest thing I can do.

Heavy Hearted

A little over a week ago, at the closing of our church service, we were told that a church member's twenty-two year old son had taken his life. I have never met these people, but mourned, along with many others, thinking of that great loss the family must be experiencing.

The funeral was yesterday, and still, over a week later, not a day has passed without me crying over their loss. Again, I've never met this family, and it's not a selfless mourning on my part. I relate to this pain, not because I've experienced it, but because I can't even imagine not having Atticus in my life. I can't imagine losing him now, or in 20 years. The pain it would cause me is a place I can't even venture in my mind.

I have found myself going through what every aspect of this 'situation' might feel like. It has made me think of what it must be like to be left wondering what your child was struggling with that could make him feel so hopeless...and to not know about it. I'm now thinking more and more about ways to communicate with Atticus in the future to make a situation like this less likely... but the truth is, I can never prevent sadness in my children. I can provide them with all of the love I have, but ultimately, I have to give them to Jesus. I have to trust that He will hold and comfort them. And when things happen that are not in 'my plan', I have to trust that He is still God, and that, as unimaginable as it may be, He loves them even more than I do, and He is in control.

I continue to pray for peace and healing for the W family, along with wisdom on my part to take the experiences of others, like this, to push me closer to trusting God as I mother my child/ children.

Lovely Life

So, Adam is out for a men's retreat... and I'm finding myself really enjoying the time to reflect on our home and how thankful I am for it.

We brought my Granny's hutch into the kitchen this evening and I'm enjoying putting little cherished 'nick-knacks' in it. I've stopped to gaze at it many times this evening...

Nights like this remind me of life before marriage and the babe, where I would sit in my quiet home with dim lighting and just enjoy the "noises of the house" as my Granny would call it...

..it's nice to reminisce.

Searching for Julia

an old friend reminded me that I had a blog today (which I often forget)... so I thought I'd write about my current 'life process'...

1. we DID get the house

2. I forgot how much time unpacking/settling-in takes

3. I thought I'd be so much better at being a wife/mom/time manager once we had a house, turns out I was wrong...

I'm going to write a little about #3...and then some.

The past several years have been very destructive to who I thought I was. Experiences in these years have stripped me down to the core, making me come back to square one to figure out what the life of Julia is meant to be. I try, daily, to ignore this process. It overwhelms me more than I could imagine. The things that I so heavily relied on are gone, (my security in who I am in Christ, my trust in people, my willingness to put myself 'out there'...) and I'm not sure how to do 'life' without them.

I know, primarily, I need to come back to my security in Jesus. I know this with my head but struggle to wrap my heart around it. I have a hard time knowing where to begin. I feel such a dichotomy in my being...on one hand I am utterly in love with Jesus, and I weep at times thinking about His love and the actions of His love for me and humanity. On the other hand, I feel like Jesus is a stranger to me, far from my reality of life.

I have no solutions, and no specific plans for solutions...I just thought I'd share what's going on in my head these days...I'm open to your thoughts:)

Oh, and I am supposed to be a housewife, but I can't get the freaking laundry done!!!

I'll write about this another time:)

No House...

So the house didn't work out...super disappointed.
I told Adam that I was going to be bitter for a week or until we found another house that I love, which ever comes first. I really did picture that house as ours, so it's hard to imagine another at this point, but I know I will...it's happened before and, quite possibly, will happen again.

So, on to the next...we're looking at houses tomorrow so maybe we will find our little casa then...that's the hope:)

Atticus Update: 4 months

Atticus had his 4 month appointment on Monday. He's doing great! He weighs 12lb 11oz, and is 24.5" long. He is in the 15th percentile in weight and the 50th percentile in height. He's laughing, rolling over, and sleeping through the night on a regular basis. He turned 4 months on September 13th, and (of course) we took some pictures...

A home for the Towell's?

So, we have been searching searching searching searching to find 'THE home' for us. It seems that the longer we search, the smaller our budget gets. Honestly, I was starting to think that there wasn't actually a house in the great state of Ohio that was in our price range that wasn't covered in mold, in the 'ghetto', or a one bed/ one bath 'cottage'. BUT... last night we found a house that we LOVE. We've seen several homes that were possibilities, but we were very neutral about them. This one we're actually excited about. so, cross your fingers and PRAY that we get this house...we will hopefully find out tonight. And, if it's not 'THE one' we really do know that God is taking care of us!

Birthday 2.8

What a wonderful day!

I started by waking (on a sunny-75 degree day) to my loving husband muttering "happy birthday, baby" in his sleep...then to my baby boy's snuggles. I, then, had an amazing breakfast waiting for me on the stove, courtesy of my Mamma before she was off to a meeting.

After Atticus's (perfect) nap, my sister, Mamma, Atticus and I went to my FAVORITE place, Genji, for lunch. I smothered my food in Yum-Yum sauce, totally disregarding my 'oath' to Weight Watchers.

My mom gave me some 'moolah' so we ran off to steal an hour or so of shopping, in which I found several bargains I'm slightly proud of.

After Adam got home, we went to Easton, where we ate on the patio at the Cheesecake factory and shopped like crazy. Walking hand in hand, the lights hanging over the walkways were almost magical, making us feel like we were in some European city. My patient husband followed me around like it was his job, never saying a word about how badly his feet hurt...until I said I couldn't walk anymore. We both limped (literally) back to the car, then we stopped for ice cream at Greater's. (I ventured out and tried the seasonal Chocolate Coconut Almont...I highly recommend!:))

Coming home to hear my mom talk about what a great time she and Atticus had playing, and how easily he went to sleep was just the perfect ending to the perfect day!!!

Thank you, Lord for another year to live this amazing life you've given me!