Heavy Hearted

A little over a week ago, at the closing of our church service, we were told that a church member's twenty-two year old son had taken his life. I have never met these people, but mourned, along with many others, thinking of that great loss the family must be experiencing.

The funeral was yesterday, and still, over a week later, not a day has passed without me crying over their loss. Again, I've never met this family, and it's not a selfless mourning on my part. I relate to this pain, not because I've experienced it, but because I can't even imagine not having Atticus in my life. I can't imagine losing him now, or in 20 years. The pain it would cause me is a place I can't even venture in my mind.

I have found myself going through what every aspect of this 'situation' might feel like. It has made me think of what it must be like to be left wondering what your child was struggling with that could make him feel so hopeless...and to not know about it. I'm now thinking more and more about ways to communicate with Atticus in the future to make a situation like this less likely... but the truth is, I can never prevent sadness in my children. I can provide them with all of the love I have, but ultimately, I have to give them to Jesus. I have to trust that He will hold and comfort them. And when things happen that are not in 'my plan', I have to trust that He is still God, and that, as unimaginable as it may be, He loves them even more than I do, and He is in control.

I continue to pray for peace and healing for the W family, along with wisdom on my part to take the experiences of others, like this, to push me closer to trusting God as I mother my child/ children.