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It's been quite a time of struggle and sadness for our little family over the past several months.
I have days when I say aloud with a sigh of relief, "Okay, we're getting back to 'normal' life now.."
and moments later, our view of normal life crumbles again.
I'm realizing that this is life.
This is the ache that we will forever feel in a life away from the presence of our perfect Creator and the Eden that He gave to us.
I feel this in a very real way.
I feel it like I feel hunger at dinner time or I feel love when I'm holding hands with Adam or snuggling with Atticus.
I feel it in ways that make me try to fill this ache, this void.
I try to fill it with a beautiful home, a life of organization (ha!), exercise (ha! again), new clothes, things, food, relationships... the list could go on forever. But it's not abstract that we miss the physical presence of God... it's a real, painful part of life.
It's like we're just desperate for perfection. And we should be. We were created for it. It's really a beautiful beautiful thing in the end.
I've been listening to a CD by Phil Wickham in my car. His words are so thought out and beautiful. I cry pretty frequently in the car anyways, but his music makes it pretty certain tears will be shed.
So, here are the lyrics that turn me into a blubbering idiot in my car: Cheers to car-crying! *wink*
Eden
"When the first light brightened the dark,
before the beating of the human heart, there was You and there was me.
Innocence was all I knew,
'Cause all I had to know was You, We were running underneath the trees.
I want to see You face to face,
Where being in Your arms is the permanent state.
I want it like it was back then,
I want to be in Eden!
I remember how you'd call my name,
And I'd meet you at the Garden gate, How the glory of Your love would shine.
And I remember when the stars were young,
You breathed life into my lungs, Oh! I never felt so alive!
To be naked and unashamed,
In a sweet downpour of innocent rain.
I want it like it was back then,
I want to be in Eden!
Where my eyes can see the colors of Glory,
My hand can reach the heaven before me.
Oh, my God! I want to be there with You!
Where our hearts will beat with joy and laughter,
And love will reign forever and ever,
Oh, my God! I want to be there with You!"
