The Gift of Adoption

today adoption is on my mind...

We have two separate friend-couples that are either meeting their new children or bringing them home today. It literally makes me feel warm inside...life hot coffee going down! I'm in love with adoption. I know that may sound funny, but it's true.

I've been thinking about Jasmine a lot the past few days (some know her story, some don't...), wondering if she's enjoying her new life, and soaking up all of the new love she's being given. Last I heard there were some problems in their new family and I'm just praying that she adjusts and grows into a beautiful young woman, confident in God's love. I miss her and I wish I could hug her and love on her...but I really do rest in knowing that Jesus loves her more than I do and that he's protecting her.

Beautiful little girl, have a great day today!

Sweetest Sound

My baby laughed for the first time yesterday! it was the sweetest sound I've ever heard... I just adore him & I'm amazed at how much joy he brings to me. I had a moment while he was laughing last night where life just stood still. I took a step away from 'me' and saw my husband and I sitting on the couch enjoying ourselves more than we had in a while... all because our son was laughing! What a miracle that God could make something so tiny have such an enormous impact on our lives!

Glorified Body

I woke this morning with a migraine...

to some this may foreign, but this is how I start, maintain, or end my day quite often. I have had these little 'thorns' for years...(literally I had my first migraine when I was 7 or so). They were 'well managed' for several years before I became pregnant. Let me preface that having our little boy is SO worth enduring migraines...but still not pleasant. I am taking more drugs than I ever thought I would...all with aggravating side-effects.

So, Lord, thanks for including the tidbit about the glorified bodies...it's a nice incentive...not that meeting YOU isn't enough!
just a request...I'd like to be a size 6 jeans, size 8 shoe, and not have migraines! Thanks!

night thoughts...

As I'm writing this post my heart is breaking for an old friend and his wife who recently lost their six-week-old baby girl. I cry several times a week thinking of them.

I feel so helpless to protect this little person that I would literally die for. So each time I put him to bed, I pray 'Jesus take care of my baby'... last night I realized that Jesus is holding their precious baby girl, Lydie, and I pleaded that He would abide by MY interpretation of 'taking care' meaning leaving him with me...not taking him until I was gone... these are things I never thought would weigh so heavily on me...but they do.

I'm amazed at the lack of control we have on our own lives...it seems the older I get, the more aware I am of this...

Missing Daddy-time

SO Atticus and I have been very spoiled having Adam here with us while he was searching for a job... now that he's working, we miss his a lot..some days are especially lonely. Yesterday, we wanted 'Daddy' to know how much we missed him and loved him... Atticus posed for an e-mail photo-op.

Mamma life

It's so crazy that I'm a Mamma!!

I can't believe how much I love Atticus...with places I didn't know existed in me. It's hard to imagine the deep love of a mother for her child.. people told me about it, but it's not something you can imagine. Before him, I compared it to the love I had for my niece or nephew, or even my beloved dog, but it's this miracle like none I've experienced. The thought that someone who wakes you at 4am can make you smile in your miserable longing for sleep... that's deep.

He's crying right now, and I'm pretending that I don't hear him. We're working on 'self-soothing'...I'm not very good at this. I think that I may be an 'enabler' when he's a bit older..I will have to work on that!

Having a baby.

WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!
this is quite amazing and surreal to me. every day I have to remind myself that there is a tiny life inside of me. for 8 weeks now (give or take, science doesn't know) I have had this little life (now the size of a large blueberry) growing inside of me... it's just so amazing. I've had so many worries, doubts, questions, that I don't know what to do. But I have also has more moments of dependence on God than I've had in a long time, more out of desperation than choice, but moments none the less.

back to writing

I'm finding it amazing, as I look at my own blog, that it has been nearly a year since I have written. I have been inspired my a friend, Megan Smith, to write more...

This has been a year of struggle, uncertainty, and disappointment for us, but we have had a month of rejoicing and a month of realizing that it's time to get back to loving people and loving this blessing of life, whether it's idealic or not.

so, welcome back...

THANKS-Giving

Is it really Novemeber? Is it really Thanksgiving? crazy.

This year is a year of 'firsts' for us at the Towell home... although it's not our first Thanksgiving together, it's the first year that we will be having Thanksgiving dinner at our house. There will be ten of us, yes ten! Now, for some seasoned cooks that's a manageable number, for the turkey cooking virgin, it's quite a feat! Thankfully, I will have a forgiving audience...

My sister and my babies will be here tonight and I get to spend the day tomorrow with them...I've even got them aprons so we can all be in the kitchen together..so fun! Then Wednesday night Kay and Allen (Adam's parents) will drive in and following them is Adam's brother, Aaron and our nephew, Christian. Then later that night, my mom is flying in to OKC then driving to Clinton. I'm just so excited I can hardly stand it.

In that excitement, I've gotten a little 'crazy'. When I'm away from it all, I realize my obsession with wanting to impress people, even my family. In my mind I justify it by thinking that they're only here once a year or so, so I want it to be perfect for them...but really I want them to think "man, Adam and Julia are really doing well...they've got it all together.." Just last night, (as I was making beads throughout the house...which I do ONLY when we have guests) I imagined conversations going on behind my back or thoughts on my in-law's heads thinking "Adam really did well to marry Julia"...with them looking at my perfectly made beds, of course. Go ahead, say it, that's insane! Who do I think these people are that they would put so much value on my house or the bed-making skills I have. And really, what does that say about me? I place so much value on these meaningless things...

I would really like to focus on THANKS-giving...I'm going to work on that, and try not to be miserable focusing on the 'important things....you know, trying to make all of the place settings imaculate...

A day in the life...

Man...how strange life has been!

So, some know, some don't... we're moving to Clinton, OK.
Adam has been asked to pastor a church there and we will be moving from Norman in two weeks!
We are SO excited about this move and Adam and I feel like God totally hand-picked Clinton for us.

The people at this church are amazing! Totally open to doing what God wants to do through the church, even if it's new. We have so many idea's, and so do they. It's so encouraging!! We're in no hurry, we feel that God will give us years to succeed in our idea's and also fail and move on to the next.

We've also bought a house there! A real true 'fixer-upper' that, at times, I'm a little terrified to live in. I'm, then, reminded that my mom washed dishes in the bathtub for a summer while the same situation was occurring in 'the log cabin' and that Michele hasn't had indoor plumbing for months in NZ...so, I know I can embrace this adventure. I just need to remember that it is just that, an adventure!

As 'tright' as it may sound, I really feel very undeserving of this 'gift' of Clinton. I am reminded of God's grace that he would let me (and Adam) be a part of this...despite my unfaithfulness to Him on so many occasions. My God truly is a forgiving God.

So, if you're ever out towards Clinton, give us a call...or just drop by, Mayberry, I mean Clinton, is just that kind of place.

ps. we haven't sold our home in Norman, so please send a prayer up if it crosses your mind.